Hate Me
by MTL17
Summary: Nikita tries to make Alex hate her. Spoilers for season 1.


Disclaimer: I do not own Nikita. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Never again. That's what Nikita had promised herself. Never again would she allow herself to fall in love.

It had been an easy promised to make. The pain of Daniel's loss was indescribable. No words could do it justice, but in her most cold and detached moments Nikita admitted to herself under different circumstances she could have moved on. If she was normal. If she hadn't been turned into something ugly, something broken, something not entirely human anymore. If she didn't have bosses watching her every move, taking everything from her until there was nothing left but a killing machine. But she wasn't normal, so Nikita had committed her life to revenge and become lost in it. Lost in hate and anger until she couldn't feel the pain of her loss anymore.

Of course she had been a fool to believe someone like her could love. That she could have an emotionally healthy relationship which lasted more than a night. Besides, Daniel had only loved her because he hadn't really known her. If he had ever seen her, the real Nikita, he would still be alive because he would have run from her as fast as his legs could have carried him, and she would have let him go like she should have done when she had the chance.

So, never again. That's what Nikita had promised herself. Promised herself over and over again. Pushed even the hint of love away at every turn. But no matter how hard she pushed it found her. First Michael, then...

"Alex!" Nikita murmured softly.

Few could get close to her without her knowledge. Alex was one of them, although part of Nikita hoped it was someone else as an assassin wasn't anywhere near as scary to her right now as her young protégé. Another part of her, a very small part, hoped that her reply was a bullet straight to her heart, which again would be in some ways preferable. Alas it was not to be.

Slowly stepping out from the shadows Alexandria Udinov, better known as simply Alex, smiled rebelliously in a way which seemed to lighten up the dull lit room.

"I came as soon as I could..." Alex said, her eyes drifting to the candlelit table for two in the centre of the room, "Is that... for me?"

She had wanted to say 'for us' but Nikita didn't like Alex saying such things so she resisted. She also resisted the urge to embrace Nikita, even though Alex really, really wanted to feel the older woman's arms wrapped around her. But as usual Nikita was all business, so Alex took the small victory of the tiny display of affection and wordlessly followed her mentor to the table and took her seat. Nikita joined on the opposite side and they ate in silence. Or at least Alex ate. Nikita just sat there either staring at her or her food, which was more than a little troubling. Nikita wasn't the best conversationalist but normally she would be talking to Alex about Division, her latest assignment, the next assignment, etc. And she would be eating.

As things became increasingly tense Alex nervously mumbled, "Thank you. You know, for saving me. Again. I know Michael helped, but I'm pretty sure he would never have reached me in time if it wasn't for you. It's... it's nice to know you always have my back. That, that someone's always there. It's why I... you know..."

Alex trailed off when Nikita looked up, their eyes locking for what felt like an eternity, and then the feared assassin softly but clearly said, "I killed your father."

The room had been pretty silent before but now it felt deafening. And Alex couldn't feel anything. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't even think for a few long seconds.

Her first thought was it was a joke. Nikita trying to lighten the mood with a horribly miscalculated joke. But Nikita's eyes told Alex she was deadly serious. Because of course she was. Because nothing in Alex's life could just be pure and good. No, it had to be ugly and tainted.

Alex took a deep breath, her first in what felt like forever, and she felt the tears beginning to fall from her eyes as she was almost consumed by the urge to lash out. To scream at Nikita. To attack her. To kill her. But the rational part of her mind stopped her. Forced her to at least get the whole story first.

Taking another deep breath Alex softly said, "You were on the team which attacked the mansion. You... you found him before you found me... and... and you killed him. If you didn't he would have probably killed you. It would have been impossible to get us both out. And, and even if you could have got us both out Division would have hunted us down and killed us both."

"Alex..." Nikita began.

"You did what you had to do!" Alex interrupted, tears falling from her eyes, "I get that. I really do. You had to confirm the kill. But what I don't get is, why you didn't tell me this before letting me into your bed?"

There was a long silence and then Nikita said, "Because I needed you. I needed your help to take down Division. We may still fail, but the odds of us succeeding were far greater together than not, and you had just as much reason as me too wipe them off the face of the earth."

"So what's changed?" Alex asked coldly.

"Nothing." Nikita lied.

Alex frowned, "Then why tell me now?"

"I thought you could handle it." Nikita lied.

There was a pause and then Alex said, "Bull-shit. We've been one step ahead of Division for months, and we may actually be getting close to taking them down, and you tell me this now? No, you wouldn't risk losing me unless you had a pretty good fucking reason, so what is it? TELL ME!"

On those last two words Alex stood up, tossing her chair angrily away. In response Nikita slowly got up and moved around so she was almost but not quite in Alex's personal space, her eyes never leaving Alex's the entire time.

Only then did Nikita reply, "Because I want you to hate me."

Frowning in confusion Alex murmured, "What?"

"You heard." Nikita said, clearly becoming angry.

"Why?" Alex asked.

"Because I'm sick of you staring at me like a little puppy dog. Because I can't stand you hanging on my every word. Because I just can't handle you telling me you love me when..." Nikita spat, trying to keep her emotions under control but for once in her life her training failed her and she became lost in despair, tears falling from her eyes as she continued, "I killed your father. I killed him. Me."

"You had no choice. I understand." Alex said, stepping forward.

"You understand nothing you stupid little girl!" Nikita screamed, stepping back, "Stop it! Stop looking at me like that. I don't deserve it. I can't handle it. I can't handle this. I can't... Alex, when I thought I'd lost you, I... oh God."

Rushing forward Alex grabbed a firm hold of Nikita. She could tell the older woman almost pushed her away or knocked her down. Hell, Nikita could have killed her if she'd wanted too. But instead she just allowed Alex to hold her, Nikita staring at the ground as she and the younger girl softly wept.

"Look at me. Look at me!" Alex said, waiting until Nikita was looking at her again, "It's not your fault. I understand that. And I understand why you lied."

"It's not just that." Nikita whispered, having to force the next words out, "I... I know who was behind your father's death. I've known all along. He is protected by Division, and you wouldn't have stood a chance before, but now... now you could get to him if you were careful. But I wanted you to help me first. I manipulated you into helping me. I used you. I lied to you. I killed your father. And... and I don't love you. You're just a fuck toy to me. I use your body then laugh at you when you fall asleep in my arms."

The words made Alex feel like she was being constantly stabbed in the heart, and though it was of little comfort she knew what she said next was partly true, "You're lying."

"Not about the parts that really matter." Nikita said, a half smile crossing her face briefly before she continued, "And I'm not lying now... the man who ordered your father's assassination was Sergei Semak. He was your father's right-hand man and he took over your father's company once he was gone. You can find all the evidence you'll need on my desk. If you remember everything I taught you then you should be able to kill him and disappear. Please Alex, disappear. Forget about Division and live your life."

Alex frowned, "What about you?"

Nikita smiled, "Me? I put my quest for revenge before you and everything else. I lied to you, manipulated you and used you. I killed your father and denied you your revenge. Now... take it!"

Moving quick as a flash Nikita put a gun in Alex's hand and guided it underneath her chin.

"I ruined your life Alex. I deserve this." Nikita said tearfully, "I deserve this for so many reasons, but... but mostly for trying to turn you into me. I couldn't imagine anything worse than that. But it's not too late. You can have your revenge and be done with it. Have a good, decent life. Please be good Alex. Don't become me. Please don't become just another killer. Please remember there's good inside you. And please... please kill me. I deserve it. Kill me."

Alex closed her eyes, pain and sorrow still filling her body, but there was nothing to consider, "No."

"Please... please kill me." Nikita wept, "Kill me!"

"Never." Alex whispered before tossing the gun aside and pressing her lips against Nikita's.

It was just like the first time. Nikita tensing at first, then momentarily melting into the gentle touch only to silently push Alex away before she could add her tongue into the mix. Back then Alex had been going through a hellacious detox which hadn't hurt as much as this new information yet both times kissing Nikita gave her total clarity.

Nikita was the only thing in Alex's life which made sense. The only thing which made her happy. The only thing in her whole adult life which had ever really been hers, and Alex couldn't and wouldn't give it up.

"I forgive you." Alex sobbed, "I forgive you for everything. Because I would be dead without you. And because you're the only one I've ever truly been able to rely on. And because I love you. I love you so fucking much. Let... let me show you."

With that Alex kissed Nikita again, this time not allowing the older woman to push her away. Nikita tried. Not extremely hard, but she tried. However Alex would not be denied this time. This time Nikita wouldn't win. She wouldn't have her way. Alex would have hers.

Of course had Nikita really tried she could have pushed Alex away. Or more accurately if she had the emotional strength she would have pushed Alex away, would have always pushed her away if she was stronger, better, the woman who Alex pretended she was. Hell, if there was an ounce of goodness inside her Nikita would never have let Alex seduce her in the first place. It shouldn't have mattered how relentless Alex was in her (ultimately successful) attempts at seduction, or how insistent she was being now, Nikita should have resisted/should now resist. But she didn't. Instead Nikita allowed herself to be kissed, stripped and guided to the bed, the whole sordid thing feeling like it lasted forever and yet only took a few seconds all at the same time.

Once she was lying on the bed with Alex on top of her Nikita truly became lost to the kiss, her tongue wrestling the younger girl ferociously and easily winning. She also tried flipping them over, Nikita ready to tear off this uppity little girl's clothes and ravage her like she always did, brutally fucking Alex into submission in an attempt to finally make her protégé stop loving her. While the latter part had never worked the former had a perfect success rate, until now, Nikita taken by surprise as Alex countered the move and broke the kiss.

"This time I'm on top!" Alex said forcefully, not like those few times she had giggled it before being swiftly put in her place, but not so forcefully Nikita would immediately flip them like she so effortlessly could. Clearly taken aback by this Nikita did nothing, although Alex was aware that would change if she didn't follow up correctly, the less experienced spy taking a deep breath before cupping her lover's face and whispering, "I'm showing you, remember? I'm showing you I forgive you. That I love you. That you're my whole fucking world. So just relax and let me love you. Please?"

No. Nikita should have said no. She wanted too. She wanted to be strong enough to finally do the right thing. But then Alex lent down and gently kissed her again and Nikita melted.

The kiss didn't even last that long this time, Alex first moving down to her neck and then her breasts, the whole time Nikita trying to say something, anything, but words failed her. In fairness it was hard for anyone to think coherently when their lover's mouth was gently worshipping their body, and Alex's mouth had become so very good at driving Nikita wild. Especially when it came to her breasts, Alex moving back and forth between them for what felt like an eternity, the younger girl licking and sucking Nikita's nipples with a type of loving tenderness which invoked tainted memories for the haunted spy. Then that mouth moved lower and Nikita became an empty shell, completely unable to think for a few long minutes.

Alex knew this wasn't normal. It probably wasn't healthy, psychologically speaking. And it was almost definitely wrong. People just didn't go down on their father's killer, especially after just finding out. Regardless of the circumstances Nikita would always be the one who pulled the trigger and while time might somewhat heal that gaping wound in her heart her love for Nikita would always be tainted. And yes, maybe it would be better if they gave each other some space, or she just spend the night in Nikita's arms and whispering that she loves her and forgives her over and over again, but right now Alex felt she physically needed to show she could get past this. That nothing Nikita could say or do would ever stop Alex from loving her.

If that was wrong, and she was pretty sure it was, Alex never wanted to be right. And maybe she never had been right. Maybe Alexandria Udinov, the innocent little girl, had died with her family and all that was left was a broken shell which would never be whole again. But then in Nikita she had found a true companion. Someone as broken as she was, yet with a determination to get their revenge and protect the one thing they had left, each other. Yes, Alex thought as she finally reached her destination, in this woman she had found the perfect mate. Nothing else truly mattered. Her revenge was just something to make her leave Nikita's bed. Nikita was her reason for breathing.

With that thought echoing through her mind Alex finally focused on the delicacy she had been staring at for several long seconds, that time allowing her to soak up the heavenly scent which was pure Nikita until it consumed her. Suddenly ravenously hungry Alex leaned down, closed her eyes, stuck out her tongue and slid it over familiar flesh, the taste of Nikita setting fire to her taste buds from the very first touch. Again and again Alex slid her tongue along the full length of her mentor's pussy lips, teasing her entrance at the beginning of every lick while avoiding her clit.

Normally Alex would escalate things from there soon after, however this time was different. This time she was deliberately trying not to give Nikita what she wanted and do what she wanted for a change. Only despite her experience, especially when it came to being in between Nikita's thighs, Alex had no idea what she was doing. Well, technically she had some idea, at least when it came to the physical stuff, but she was sure there were subtle differences she was missing. After all, Alex had never made love to someone before so it was impossible for her to know how well she was doing.

Of course Nikita recognised what Alex was doing. She had known since Alex had started kissing her way down her body, each and every touch excruciatingly gentle and loving, almost to the point where it broke Nikita from the spell her younger lover had cast over her. Even the kissing had been uncomfortably soft on Alex's part, and as much as Nikita had managed to escalate things each time when Alex moved away from her mouth she was helpless to do anything about it. Or more accurately she felt helpless, an unusual feeling Nikita hated.

In reality Nikita could have pushed Alex away from her without much physical effort, but she knew she was far beyond the point of being able to do that. Still, she could have flip them over and taken control. Fucked this girl until their earlier conversation was nothing but a dream and they would both be mindless animals lost in their physical desires for each other. It had happened countless times before, and Nikita hadn't promised Alex she wouldn't do it again, but Nikita couldn't seem to summon the willpower to do it. Almost like Alex had some psychological power over her, the young girl forcing her to remain where she was with the power of her mind. Which was of course ridiculous but Nikita couldn't really come up with a better explanation of why she just lay back and let Alex deliver one infuriatingly slow lick to her cunt after another.

It was unlike anything Nikita had ever felt from a woman. Sure, she'd had plenty of them in between her thighs but none of them had licked her pussy with such care, love and devotion. Not even the men who had told her they loved her had done anything which had felt close to this, especially when Alex looked at her with those infuriating puppy dog eyes, Nikita finding herself lost in those beautiful blues for several long seconds before she closed her eyes and pretended things were different.

Pretending she was with someone else was a waste of time she'd given up long ago but Nikita often imagined a different life. A normal life. A life where she and Alex were the same age and Division was nothing but a bad dream. Nikita imagined that all the time but especially when she fucked Alex. Or when the younger girl was in her arms. Now she found herself actually imagining things were normal between them. Their normal. The normal which involved her slamming her tongue, fingers or strap-on cock into Alex until her protégé was screaming her name. Of course these images only made Nikita more desperate to cum until the former Division agent was willing to say or do almost anything to get what she wanted. And hey, she had already crossed so many lines in the last hour, what was another.

"Alex... please... fuck me... please fuck me..." Nikita whispered, her voice sounding deafening in the large room, "Fuck me Alex... fuck me you whore..."

The first few words only caused Alex to smile against Nikita's pussy, the young spy feeling proud of herself for making the mighty Nikita beg. Then came the final word which made Alex stop in her tracks, the Russian girl looking up at her mentor in disbelief.

Nikita had called her all sorts of things during sex and Alex loved every minute of it but the other spy had deliberately avoided any version of that word. Because of the people Nikita left her with? Because of what happened to her? Because of Nikita's guilty conscience? Probably, and Alex was grateful for it, but for Nikita to say that word she must have had a good reason. The real question was did Nikita still want Alex to kill her or did she just want her to fuck her? Or wasn't Nikita sure? Either way Alex felt this needed to be addressed so while keeping her eyes locked with Nikita's she slowly crawled up the older woman's body until they were face to face.

"Deliberate cruelty doesn't suit you моя любовь." Alex said softly after a couple of seconds of silence, "Tell me Niki, why the candlelit dinner? Seems like an odd choice, if you truly wanted me to kill you."

Nikita just looked away and remained silent.

"Will you at least tell me what you want now?" Alex asked.

More silence in then Nikita said, "I already told you."

"Say it again." Alex demanded softly.

Nikita turned her head to look at Alex again, the two spies staring at each other for a long moment before Nikita repeated, "Fuck me you whore."

More silence, and then Alex roughly pushed two fingers into Nikita's cunt and started thrusting them in and out. Like when the roles were reversed her fingers were dry so it hurt a little going in but Nikita's pussy was plenty wet so not only did those fingers slide in easily but the cry the older woman let out was more or less of pure pleasure. Again that was similar to when the roles were reversed, and from the tone of Nikita's cry Alex wondered if her mentor also enjoyed a little pain with her pleasure. Well, Alex knew Nikita could dish it out, but could she take it.

Taking a risk Alex decided to find out, her first couple of thrusts swiftly moving from a steady pace to a hard fucking before slowing things right down. As a result Nikita cried out loudly in mostly pleasure, and while there was an undertone of pain Alex was almost 100% sure the older woman liked it. Either way Nikita took it without any real complaint, not that that was really a surprise. After all Nikita was the toughest person Alex had ever met. Not that it didn't make it fun to push her limits, even if the look in Nikita's eyes told Alex she would pay for it later. Hoping to make it much later Alex curled her fingers inside the other woman, forcing a moan from Nikita, which was like sweet music to the Russian girl's ears.

As Alex smirked down at her Nikita frowned. This was new for her and she wasn't sure she liked it. Not being finger fucked, all but a couple of drunk one night stands had at some point done that, however there were few she had allowed to fuck her like this. Like they were in a position of power. Power over her. Nikita had certainly never allowed Alex anything like this. No, the younger girl was always between her thighs and lapping away at her clit whenever she had fingered her before, not hovering above Nikita with a infuriating smirk on her face. Then again at least it wasn't the infuriating puppy dog eyes.

Just as Nikita thought that she caught a glimpse of those eyes, Alex's expression changing into what she was sure was a deliberately wicked smirk before the younger girl leaned in to whisper into her ear, "Do you remember our first time? You took me just like this right over there, on the floor, your fingers slamming in and out of me as you stared into my soul. Did you see it then Niki? When you were staring into my eyes could you tell that I loved you? You've always been able to see right through me, so I'm guessing you did. That you knew I loved you before I started whimpering it, and then screaming it as I came all over your fingers. I bet you even knew before you took me and made me your little fuck toy. Didn't you моя любовь?"

Nikita didn't answer. She didn't need too as they'd already pretty much had this conversation after the first time. Back then Alex had been constantly trying to seduce her without a hint of subtlety, Nikita telling the girl she was confusing feelings of gratitude for something stronger, that the teen didn't really want the older woman, that she had to stop using her body to get what she wanted/reward people who showed her kindness. Truthfully Nikita hadn't truly believed those excuses, not when she saw the increasing devotion in Alex's eyes. Then one day during a training session Nikita had her protégé pinned to the floor and Alex had kissed her again while rubbing her sweaty, barely covered young body against her and Nikita just hadn't been able to resist. She had slammed her fingers inside of Alex and fucked her right there on the floor, then up against the wall, then on the bed before finally shoving the girl's head between her legs.

It had been intense, passionate and wonderful, Nikita barely trying to convince Alex afterwards that she hadn't meant what she said. She certainly hadn't been convincing that they could never do this again, especially as they had sex again more or less straight after the conversation.

"Now I am the one topping you. Now I'm the one with my fingers inside you... pumping in and out of you... fucking you... making you mine." Alex whispered, awaking Nikita from her thoughts before the younger girl moved so she was looking her in the eye again, "And you are mine Nikita. You can try and deny it all you want, but I remember our first time. I remember looking at you and trembling. You looked like a lioness about to devour her helpless prey and it scared me almost as much as it made me cream all over your fingers. But as dominating and powerful as you looked, as much as your eyes told me you loved having your way with me they also betrayed you because I saw love in them. It was tiny but it was there, and it's there now and it scares you. Even more than how you're loving this. Loving me topping you. The mighty Nikita on the bottom, being the bottom for a change. I can see it in your eyes, and I can feel it in the way your pussy grips onto me and soaks my fingers. It tells me how badly you want to cum. How badly you want to cum for me. Do it моя любовь. Cum for me. Cum for me my love."

Nikita wanted to deny it. She wanted to deny she was in love with Alex, again tell the girl she didn't feel that way and the Russian was just seeing what she wanted to see. But she couldn't. She was too busy doing what she was told and cumming hard on Alex's fingers, Nikita feeling herself squeezing down on those digits and covering them with her cream. The pleasure was wonderful, mind-numbing even, but Nikita found herself unable to break her gaze from Alex's which meant she had to see the love the younger girl had for her. Luckily it didn't last, Alex stealing a move out of Nikita's playbook and suddenly moving down her body to replace her thumb on the older woman's clit with her tongue.

The change in stimulation had Nikita quickly cumming again on Alex's fingers, and then for a third time in Alex's mouth, the Russian girl replacing her fingers from Nikita's cunt with her tongue and wrapping her upstairs lips around the other woman's downstairs lips. Like that Alex made Nikita cum a couple more times, the younger girl greedily gulping down as much of the precious liquid as she could while some escaped to cover her face.

Alex was going to make Nikita cum even more, but then she felt her mentor's hand on top of her head and began gently stroking her. Normally these small signs of affection were like water to a man in the middle of the desert for Alex, but this was one which usually led to Nikita shoving her face deeper into her cunt or the older woman grinding into her face. This was something of course Alex loved almost as much as the stroking of her hair, however that would be giving up her control and Alex wasn't quite ready for that.

So reluctantly Alex pulled away, having a feeling that she only succeeded because Nikita wasn't expecting it. A single look from Nikita seem to confirm this but she didn't complain, nor did she say anything, the two spies becoming lost in another staring match for a little while. Then Alex very slowly walked over to the chest by the bed filled with Nikita's most essential items and retrieved perhaps the most essential of them all, her boss's strap-on dildo.

Nikita gave a raised eyebrow as she returned, Alex having a pretty good idea what she was thinking. The thought had certainly crossed Alex's mind more than once and she definitely wanted to try strapping on a dildo one day but Alex knew if she suggested it under the current tense atmosphere Nikita would shoot that idea down and she would definitely lose control over the situation. So instead Alex positioned the harness at Nikita's feet, the older assassin lifting first her legs then her ass so the Division agent could get the device into the correct place and then strap it onto her. It was something Alex had done many times now and she finished attaching the strap-on quickly and efficiently.

Once the harness was securely around Nikita's waist Alex grabbed the dildo by the base, brought her lips within millimetres of the toy and then looked up at her mentor and softly but firmly said, "Keep your hands to yourself."

Nikita had never liked taking orders but to be given one by her student, a girl about 10 years her junior, was infuriating. However Nikita quickly forgot her anger when Alex closed her eyes and took the head of the dildo into her mouth.

Ever since she'd first strapped on a cock Nikita had enjoyed receiving a blow job. It was something she could have never imagined herself enjoying, and Amanda had given her one hell of a lecture on how phallic objects made her feel, but Nikita tried not to dwell on that. It was easier not to when there was a pretty girl with her lips wrapped around her 'cock', and regardless of how very wrong this was Nikita couldn't deny that Alex was a very, very pretty girl. A very, very pretty girl who looked indecently good sucking Nikita's strap-on dick, Alex bobbing her head on over half the dildo soon after the blow job began.

Despite herself Nikita couldn't help let out a little moan at watching that sexy little sight. The fact that the base of the toy was bashing her clit also had something to do with it but regardless of the reason it triggered Alex to look up at her with those big blue eyes of hers. At first it was fairly enjoyable, the two women staring at each other while one sucked the other's strap-on. Then Alex made the mistake of smiling around the cock, Nikita interpreting that as some kind of sign of triumph. It infuriated Nikita and reminded her of the fact that she should be trying to make Alex hate her.

With that in mind Nikita softly murmured, "You always did look good with a cock in your mouth."

Nikita pause to let that sink in before she said anything more hurtful, but before she could Alex removed her mouth and said, "As long as it's your cock."

Then Alex quickly swallowed the fake cock, this time slowly lowering her mouth down the full length of the shaft, stuffing the upper part of it down her throat with practised ease. The whole time she did this Alex kept her eyes locked with Nikita's, daring the deadly assassin to say anything. Nikita still wanted too but she couldn't find the words, Nikita just watching as her protégé deep throated the entire length of the cock, Alex pausing for a few seconds once she had her lips wrapped around the base, the younger girl fully coating it in saliva.

After all that was the practical reason for all this, and while Alex enjoyed sucking Nikita's cock there was currently somewhere else she wanted that long, hard poll. So Alex held back on the urge to gag for as long as she could then came up gasping and coughing, nightmares of her past briefly returning to her before she concentrated on her lover lying before her. More specifically Alex concentrated on what she wanted to do with her lover, the younger girl quickly getting on top of Nikita, grabbing the dildo and lined it up with the entrance to her pussy.

The initial penetration had Alex crying out in pleasure. Sure, particularly the head of the cock was wide and stretched Alex's downstairs lips kind of painfully every time, but the uncomfortable stretching was barely noticeable next to the pleasure she felt. It was the same for taking the rest of the strap-on, Alex slowly but steadily lowering herself down until she was sitting on Nikita's lap with every inch of her mentor's cock inside her, Alex moaning softly the entire way down and letting out an extra loud joyful moan when she had completed the journey.

Closing her eyes Alex took a moment to savour having every inch of Nikita's cock inside her. Of having Nikita inside her. It didn't matter to Alex that the cock wasn't made of flesh in her mind once it was strapped around Nikita's waist it became part of her mentor. It was part of Nikita. It was Nikita. Nikita was deep inside of her, touching places inside her no one but this goddess had touched her before, her teacher filling Alex up with a big wonderful dick which would never go soft.

Then with her eyes still closed Alex slowly lifted herself up a few inches and then lowered herself down, repeating the process over and over again, the young Russian beginning to ride Nikita's strap-on with a slow but steady rhythm. The pleasure was intense, partly because keeping her eyes closed focused her senses on what she was doing and partly because for once Alex was in control. Sure Alex had been in this position countless times, and regardless of the position taking Nikita's cock inside her was always pleasurably intense, but all those other times Nikita had been in control and this, this was different. Not necessarily better, just... different.

Nikita wasn't so sure she liked different. It had rarely been a good thing in the past and now... now she wasn't sure what to think. She absolutely hated the not being in control part, and she hated herself being so compliant which was doing nothing to convince Alex that she didn't love her. But... Nikita had to admit, there was something relaxing about laying back and letting the other person do all the work, something she couldn't ever remember doing with anyone before, at least not for this lifetime. Most of all Alex looked breath-taking like this, Nikita unable to take her eyes off the younger girl riding her cock.

Of course Nikita had fucked Alex in every position she could think of, the older spy even finding some new ones as she threw the younger woman around like a rag doll and ravaged her body. Except whenever they had been in this position before Nikita had been sitting up and mostly yelling abuse at Alex. And using her mouth to roughly kiss the other girl, and to attack her soft breasts, and even biting into Alex's flesh either gently enough not to leave a lasting mark or placing it somewhere it would not be easily seen. Nikita also caressed every inch of Alex's body whenever her hands weren't on her breasts, or her butt, or roughly grabbing Alex's waist so she could jackhammer the other spy up and down on her dildo.

All the above Nikita was missing terribly, and itching to do right now, the ex-Division agent knowing how easy it would be for her to just sit up and have her way with Alex. Or better yet flip the girl over onto her back and pound her with all her strength, or place her on all fours and fuck her like the bitch Nikita had treated her as for well over a year now. And Nikita wanted too. She wanted too so badly it almost hurt. But she also wanted to just lie back and watch, the latter desire winning out for now as Nikita tried to enjoy this unfamiliar fuck.

The thing Nikita mostly concentrated on was how beautiful Alex looked. How her young perky little tits bounced with every thrust, how her body looked glistening with the light sheen of sweat, and how that cute little pussy took Nikita's big cock inside of it. Most of all Nikita watched the look of blissful pleasure on Alex's face. How happy she looked. How content. And she couldn't find it within herself to change these things.

Then Alex opened her eyes and looked at Nikita, the two women staring at each other for a brief moment before the younger one asked, "Do you really think you can say anything that could make me hate you? Anything you could do which could change the way I feel? You can hate yourself or you want Nikita, but I could never hate you. No matter what you do, no matter what you say I will always love you. You can piss me off, make me cry and scream at you, but it won't change the fact that I'm in love with you."

"It should. You should hate me Alex." Nikita said softly.

"But I don't. I can't. Not really." Alex said, her eyes getting teary again, "And maybe that's fucked up, but we're fucked up Niki! We're both broken, and lost, and alone. That's why we're perfect for each other. Why we belonged together. Because with you I'm not broken anymore. I'm complete. I'm safe. And mountains of baggage doesn't seem to matter anymore, or at least it doesn't feel as heavy. And I think it's the same for you моя любовь. Why else would you prepare a candlelit dinner? Why else would you hold me after we have sex? Why would you jeopardise yourself and your precious mission just to save me time and time again? Why else would you take on the Russian mob all by yourself just to save a fuck toy? And do you really think I'm the only one around here with puppy dog eyes? Niki, you've been looking at me like that since before I finished getting clean. Whenever you think I'm not looking, and sometimes even when you know I am, you give me this look like I'm the one that could save your soul, if only one of us could think of the right thing to say-"

Fuming with rage Nikita easily sat up and pushed Alex down, the older spy then grabbing the younger spy's legs and placing them onto her shoulders so that when she leant forward she was bending the other girl in half. It was one of Nikita's favourite positions, maybe her favourite, because it was such a position of dominance and she could stare into her lover's eyes while they revelled in the submissive pleasure she was giving them.

Right now she didn't enjoy it as much because Alex looked like a frightened rabbit caught in a trap staring at a farmer about to put a bullet in it's head. The sight was enough to make Nikita's heart break but the experienced assassin reminded herself she had to remain strong. She just had too. Because Alex's words were getting to her and she just couldn't let that happen. She couldn't let this girl think there could be anything between them but sex, and even that had been a mistake. Not that Nikita could possibly stop right now, not when she craved this girl so much, but she just had to make Alex understand that she couldn't love her. She had to make Alex hate her.

So Nikita angrily growled, "I don't love you. I don't even like you. You're just a fuck hole to me. Nothing more, nothing less. I saved you the first time because I didn't want to kill an innocent little kid and I was sick of following Divisions orders. After that I was manipulating you into being my own personal lackey, but it turns out the only thing you're really good for is being a fucking whore!"

Alex opened her mouth to say something but Nikita just started hammering the strap-on in and out of her. As Alex had been slowly bouncing on the dildo for quite a while, even during her little speech about how much they belonged together, the Russian girl's pussy was plenty relaxed and ready for a hard fucking so Alex cried out in pure pleasure as result of this assault. This angered the part of Nikita that wanted Alex to hate her, but at the same time she was mostly glad she wasn't hurting her. No matter what Nikita didn't want to hurt Alex, at least not any more than she had too.

Unfortunately Nikita's words had failed again as through her cries of pleasure Alex whimpered, "I love you."

This made Nikita fuck Alex harder, the older woman screaming, "HATE ME DAMN YOU!"

Nikita screamed other things. Hurtful things. Everything she could think of just spewing out of her mouth, angry and violent, Nikita doing everything she could to make Alex hate her while fucking her to orgasm. It was worse than it had ever been before because in her determination to win Nikita lost track of everything she was saying. And even though she was trying to do this for Alex's own good Nikita could tell she was hurting this girl so much, and she wasn't even succeeding as through it all Alex just looked at her with those infuriating puppy dog eyes.

Finally Nikita realised what should have been obvious, that Alex had been telling the truth, that there was nothing she could do or say which would change the way the Russian girl felt about her and it just destroyed her.

Crashing down on top of her protégé Nikita buried her face in Alex's neck, the other girl's legs falling from her shoulders to rest either side of her while her strap-on remained buried in her younger lover's cunt. There Nikita wept for a while, whimpering over and over again, "I'm sorry Alex, I'm so, so sorry. It's my fault. It's all my fault."

"It's ok." Alex repeated softly along with some other comforting words for a few moments, then she added, "Please Nikita, more. I'm, I'm so close. I just need a little more. I just, I need you to fuck me. I, mmmmmm, I need you to make love to me."

Alex knew it was too much to ask for, but she couldn't help herself. It was the thing she most wanted in the entire world right now. Not that Alex normally didn't want Nikita to make love to her, she did, but right now it was a physical need stronger than she'd ever known, and considering how much she wanted Nikita that was really saying something. But Alex would settle like she always had. Whether it was Nikita fucking her the way she normally did, hard and rough, or for once getting to hold Nikita all night long until she could finish herself off tomorrow or something, Alex would take whatever Nikita gave her.

What Nikita gave her was unprecedented, Alex's eyes widening as her saviour lifted herself up again to look into her eyes for several long seconds. It kind of looked like Nikita wanted to say something, but wasn't sure how to say it. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on Alex's part. Regardless one second the dildo was motionless inside the Russian girl, then it was pumping in and out of her again, only this time slowly. Which had happened before, because while she had always been rough Nikita had rarely been cruel and had always worked Alex up first before giving her a hard fucking. But there was just something different about this. Something Alex couldn't quite describe, but it overwhelmed her.

While she was still trying to figure it out Nikita whispered, "You deserve better, Alex."

Quickly getting what the older woman was trying to say Alex countered, "I, oh God, I don't want better. I want you. Mmmmmm, oh God, I don't want some fairy-tale Niki. Ohhhhhh fuck, I don't need a white picket fence, ooooooh, and children. I just want you. Only you."

This only made things more intense. Not harder, just somehow more intense. Again Alex wasn't sure what it was exactly, but the way Nikita was moving inside her, the way the older spy's arms wrapped around her, and perhaps most of all the way her mentor looked at her was different. More gentle. More loving. More like... more like what Alex imagined love making would be like, the overwhelming sensations combining with the slow thrusting to bring her to the edge of orgasm as fast as any hard fucking had ever done.

Then, when Alex was on the brink, Nikita leaned forward until their foreheads were pressed against each other, closed her eyes and with a fresh tear sliding down her cheek whispered, "I love you Alex."

And then Alex came. She came harder than ever before, yes as a result of the dildo rhythmically thrusting in and out of her pussy, but Alex honestly felt like it was hearing those words she had been aching to hear for so long being spoken from Nikita's lips which actually made her go over the edge. Not that Alex dwelled on it, the young Russian becoming lost in the most amazing climax she'd ever known as she trembled in Nikita's arms.

Nikita didn't know what came next, and she really didn't know what she was doing, but she knew Alex. Or at least she knew how to please her, and as much as Nikita wanted to talk about what was going on and maybe take back what she had just said she wanted to make Alex come again. So Nikita just kept fucking Alex nice and slow, making love to the younger girl as she trembled in her arms. That made Alex come a few more times, but it wasn't enough. Nikita felt like she needed to make Alex cum as hard as she could. And she knew just how to do that.

Grabbing one of Alex's legs Nikita pulled it up so she was lifting the other brunette's lower half slightly off the bed. This gave Nikita access to Alex's ass hole, the older woman briefly collecting some of the cum and pussy juice escaping from her young lover so she could use it as natural lubricant for Alex's tight little rosebud. Those things only took Nikita roughly a second or two but once she had a finger against Alex's butt hole she slowed down considerably, the more experienced spy taking her time in pushing into her protégé's most private hole and then beginning to pump that digit in and out with the same gentleness Nikita was continuously using on Alex's cunt.

Alex immediately guessed what Nikita was doing before the finger came into contact with her back hole, and when it did Alex whimpered, "Yes, mmmmm, take me there! Take me! Take every part of me! Ohhhhhhhh Goddddddd, every part of me is yours Nikita, mmmmmm, remind me why!"

Those words made it harder for Nikita to maintain her gentle and slow pace. Of course she had succeeded in far more challenging tasks, and while she had recently failed Alex this was one task she was determined to succeed at. Or at least succeed for as long as possible. So Nikita took both Alex's holes slowly and gently until she had made the girl cum twice more, the first time as a result of adding another finger and the second a result of twisting those fingers inside Alex's ass. Then Nikita placed Alex's legs onto her shoulders again, pulled out her fingers and strap-on from the younger spy's holes and quickly pushed the very wet dildo into the slightly loosened butt hole of Alexandria Udinov.

From the way Alex's eyelids fluttered closed Nikita could tell her protégé approved, the deadly assassin smiling wickedly as she slowly filled up the younger girl's back passage with rubber cock, Alex's anal walls no match for the might of Nikita. Perhaps a little sooner than was normally advisable Nikita started pumping in and out of Alex's tightest hole, the friction exquisite for the older spy who had already cum once thanks to the stimulation on her clit and the sheer joy of fucking Alexandria Udinov. Not that it seemed to compare to the pleasure the younger woman was receiving, Alex whimpering, moaning and crying out in pleasure as Nikita took her ass and made it hers.

Of course in Alex's mind it was hers. She owed Nikita everything so it seemed only right that every part of her was Nikita's to users she saw fit. Alex truly believed that, as perverted and/or wrong as it might be, that thought only enhancing Alex's enjoyment of the anal sex. That was why nothing made Alex cum harder than when Nikita butt fucked her. It was Alex surrendering the most private, forbidden part of herself to Nikita in a way which brought them both pleasure. Sick, twisted, perverted pleasure which neither of them could seem to get enough of.

Very quickly Alex's well trained rectum completely relaxed to accommodate the large invader thrusting into the very deepest depths of her body, slight pain and uncomfortable stretching giving way to pleasure and then mind-numbing orgasms as Nikita continued her slow, rhythmic pumping. Then suddenly Nikita lowered herself down so she was again bending Alex in half, the young Russian briefly excited as she thought she was about to be pounded hard, something her ass was now very much craving. Then she briefly worried Nikita would yell abuse at her again, but that was quickly forgotten when she saw the look on the older woman's face.

Alex was used to seeing Nikita strong, powerful, in control. Most of the time the deadly assassin knew just what to say or do, but now Nikita looked so unsure of herself. Like she wanted to say something, but wasn't sure how. Alex hoped that thing was Nikita telling her that she loved her again, that a few moments ago she hadn't been delirious from pleasure and her mentor really had said those words.

She didn't, but she said something almost as good, Nikita gently cupping Alex's face with one hand and whispering, "Tell me... tell me your mine."

Not even thinking of hesitating Alex replied, "I'm yours! All yours! Every part of me is yours! My ass is yours! My pussy is yours! My mouth is yours! My heart, mind, body, and soul is yours! Мой рот, моя киска, моя задница, все твое! Мое сердце, мой разум, мое тело, моя душа, все твое! Я принадлежу тебе! I belong to you! I love you! I love you so fucking much! I'm yours! Я твоя любовь моя! I'm your fucking property! You own me! Every single part of me! I'm all yours! Я весь твой! Я весь твой!"

Her words dissolved into Russian and then incoherent jargon as Nikita finally gave up on slow and gentle, the feared assassin increasing the pace until she was slamming her strap-on in and out of Alex's ass hole at what felt like lightning speed. Yet somehow it wasn't quite as rough as usual. Not as violent or angry, and the way Nikita looked at her was different. It all felt so different. Even the mind destroying climaxes, Alex unable to comprehend what was happening to her as she first became lost in the pleasure of the butt sex then finally slipped into unconsciousness.

When Alex awoke she wasn't sure where she was or what had happened. All she knew was that her butt hurt and she was resting weight on it. To lessen the pain she rolled over onto her side, and found herself facing Nikita who was lying on her back looking up at the ceiling. As memories flooded back to her Alex smiled lazily, her body shuddering with after-shocks of her orgasms and/or at the images flashing through her head.

Instinctively Alex moved down Nikita's body and took the dildo which had just been in her ass into her mouth, the young spy gently but eagerly sucking on that fake cock like her sensei had taught her. Originally this had been something Nikita had probably made Alex do to try and stop the younger girl from loving her, but it was also something which seemed the older woman liked, probably because it allowed her to revel in her dominance. That it pleased Nikita would have been enough for Alex but the Russian girl had grown to love this perverted act. She loved the way it showed her submission to Nikita, that she'd do anything for her. Anything. She had even grown to love the taste of her own butt, Alex taking the entire length with practiced ease so she could get all of her own juices.

For a while Alex just concentrated on bobbing her head lazily on the man-made dick, then her groggy mind was suddenly electrocuted with the memory of Nikita finally telling her she loved her. Suddenly wide-awake Alex looked up at her mentor who was still laying motionlessly, an extremely subtle breathing in and out the only indication that Nikita was still with her.

Quickly finishing the blow job Alex crawled up Nikita's body to find the older woman still staring up at the ceiling, the two spies not speaking a word to each other for several long moments as neither of them was sure what to say.

Then finally Nikita whispered, "I'm sorry Alex."

Alex smiled softly and once again said, "It's ok. I, I get it. You didn't have a choice."

"No, not that..." Nikita said, looking away as she struggled to find the words, "Well, yes that to, but... I..."

Kind of scared Nikita was going to reveal something equally as heart-breaking as before Alex offered, "It's fine, you don't have to tell me."

"No, I owe you the truth. The whole truth. And this time I'm going to give it to you." Nikita promised, still searching for the right words for a few seconds before winging it, "I love you Alex. I've loved you for a very long time. Maybe a little before you fell for me."

This unsurprisingly made Alex beam happily, Nikita allowing her a moment of happiness before continuing.

"But... I couldn't admit it to myself. I didn't want it to be true. Not after what happened with Daniel..." Nikita trailed off briefly, bittersweet memories and nightmares flashing before her eyes, "So I tried to keep you at arms length. Tried not to get attached. Tried to remind myself that your life expectancy was almost as non-existent as mine."

This caused the two spies to let out a small chuckle, both knowing how horrifyingly true that statement was. Then Alex said, "That's why I kept hitting on you, even after you rejected me. I figured that, thanks to you, I was living on borrowed time and I didn't want to waste a single second of it not being with you. Not when I was so sure you wanted me too... wow, now I've said it out loud it sounds really bad."

Both spies exchange another small laugh and then Nikita softly said, "It's ok. We're fucked up, remember? Besides, I know you wouldn't have kept it up if I hadn't kept sending you so many mixed signals."

"Like giving me a candlelit dinner one minute, and yelling abuse at me the next?" Alex smirked.

"Yeah, I... I wanted you to hate me." Nikita whispered, "I wanted you to hate me so bad."

"Why?" Alex asked.

"Because I'm not worthy of you. Not after lying to you, and manipulating you, and-" Nikita softly said, momentarily pausing to fight the tears, "And I was going to tell you I loved you tonight over dinner. Have one perfect night with you, and then tell you the whole truth in the morning. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't lie to you anymore Alex. And, and I was so sure you were going to hate me when you found out the truth. And I wanted you too. After all I've done to you I deserve it. And... and I don't want to die, but if it brought you closure... stopped you from becoming me... it would be worth it. Besides, I liked the idea of you being the last thing I saw."

Alex cupped her mentor's face and then, with a tear running down her cheek to match the ones narrowing down Nikita's, softly said, "Oh Niki, I could never kill you."

Nikita smiled, "I know that. But... I kind of wish you would do it, because compared to the thought of losing you... God Alex when... when I thought I lost you I couldn't breathe. And if I ever lost you for real it would end me. Because as much as I loved Daniel he never truly knew me. He never saw my darkness. But somehow, you've seen the worst of me and, and you're still here. And I want you to know I'm done punishing you for that. I'm done trying to push you away. I'm done trying to make you hate me. I'm done trying to pretend I'm not in love with you."

"Good." Alex smiled, that smile turning into a smirk as she was unable to resist cheekily adding, "Because I've kind of grown fond of you."

Her tears forgotten Nikita raised an eyebrow and resisted the urge to give her lover a half smile, "Brat."

"You love me." Alex smiled, leaning down.

"God help me." Nikita got out before Alex's lips touched hers and they became lost in the gentle sign of affection.

Tomorrow they would talk more, strategise, worry about their future, or lack thereof, and probably many other things. But, for at least one night, Nikita truly accepted the happiness which Alex gave her. It didn't matter that she didn't deserve it, Nikita just enjoyed the feeling of Alexandria Udinov, the girl she loved, in her arms, the two spies snuggling up after their little make out session and falling asleep feeling safe, wanted and loved.


End file.
